I spend every birthday with my daughters. Spending time with my girls is something I put before all else. They are teenagers now and being a divorced Dad it can be challenging to continue to reach out, put them first, and maintain this in the face of their occasional lack of interest and the roadblocks so easily put in place by their Mom.
I believe being a Father transcends how we feel moment-to-moment. We have to remember that everything we do is being observed, recorded, and processed in the present, and the future, and will be a key component of our children's emotional development... especially for children who are the products of divorce. They are always watching/observing, and although they cannot truly understand it all now, our interactions are being stored for future analysis... whether conscious or subconscious it will all affect the way they view the world, friendship, love and affection.
This is the thought process that guides the way I behave, the face I reveal to them, and how I impress upon them my values and attitudes about life, friendship and love. My father used to say... "do like I say, not like I do." I say... "do like I do!" :-)
I believe being a Father transcends how we feel moment-to-moment. We have to remember that everything we do is being observed, recorded, and processed in the present, and the future, and will be a key component of our children's emotional development... especially for children who are the products of divorce. They are always watching/observing, and although they cannot truly understand it all now, our interactions are being stored for future analysis... whether conscious or subconscious it will all affect the way they view the world, friendship, love and affection.
This is the thought process that guides the way I behave, the face I reveal to them, and how I impress upon them my values and attitudes about life, friendship and love. My father used to say... "do like I say, not like I do." I say... "do like I do!" :-)
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I have never understood the mindset of women who put roadblock in place when it comes to dads seeing their kids. Especially when they're good dads that love their kids, go above and beyond what the law requires, because they believe in doing the right things. You're not alone. It frustrates me that there are women out there that would just as soon their kids never see their dads; it would be one thing if they were deadbeats but it's an entirely different animal altogether when they're not.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment... a sad truth. Appreciate your support :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's refreshing to see a divorced dad so utterly committed to his kids. As a mom and a family therapist, kudos to you for putting your girls above the rest!
ReplyDeleteTamara
The (Un)Experienced Mom
www.theunexperiencedmom.com
I have 3 stepkids who live with their mom. I see how obstacles get put up.
ReplyDeleteHow I deal with it is trying to believe that they're put up by default because they're not sure how to adjust and cope and cooperate.
Ultimately it's about the kids. And sometimes it takes one person to be the grown up and just wait for the other side to see that the obstacles really aren't rational. But it takes a looot of calm and patience and self-control.
I do not envy your position. But your children are blessed by having a committed caring dad.
All the best. :-)
I think it's fabulous that you are so involved in your girls' lives. From your tweets and FB updates I can tell that you have a very constant active roll in their lives even w/the divorce situation. More children need their fathers to be apart of their lives. Studies show time after time the affects of absentee fathers. Best to you and your girls in the new year!!
ReplyDelete@duongsheahan
what an awesome father you are! happy {belated} birthday, too! I think a Father's pride is one of the most moving things in this world. I love being with my dad!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for such inspiring posts! Really appreciated :-)
ReplyDeleteYour daughters are beautiful Ted. As for the road blocks and challenges you are currently experiencing, they will all iron out in time. The best thing any of us can do [dealing with divorce]is give those around us the [best] that we can. Sometimes those actions may fall short in the eyes of our loved ones, but if we can look ourselves in the mirror and say "I did my best", in time those that we love will see that too. Unfortunately it doesn't always happen as quickly as we'd like it to. You are beautiful soul and a loving Father...keep your eyes on their hearts, a constant warmth in your soul and your loving spirit will continue to soar. *Love and Light* my friend...
ReplyDeleteThat's so awesome! It takes a truly great guy to be a darn GOOD dad! Glad I found your blog. I love following you on Twitter so when I saw you had this blog I said I must Follow TED...he's FAB....
ReplyDeletexoxo
Vic
What a great post! I did not have the best daddy, so it is so nice to hear stories of others making the realization that their children need them, whether they see the impact today or not. I watch this every day in my own husband and I am so proud of him.
ReplyDeleteI just wrote a post on my blog last night titled "The day I became number two." It was along the same lines - realizing that I am no longer #1 and coming to terns with that. They, my daughters need me more.
As a divorced mother with two beautiful girls and later got married to a great man as a divorced father with a girl; I can empathize you with great understanding. My ex-husband has a little interest in my girls so it hurts them so much, my husbands ex-wife is as your ex-wife and she did everything to sabotage father-daughter relationship. What we prefer to do and what we did is a little different. We prefer to be strong parents for all 3 of them. We never say or emphasize whatever the 3rd parties doing. We always stay strong for girls, believe me two of them are 20 years old now and they clearly see things and understand on their own. So I applause you for being there for your girls, just stay strong, be who you are. Its a privilege to have a friend like you.
ReplyDeleteI am truly touched by all your comments. If I may I suggest you read the following post--Tuesday, June 2, 2009
ReplyDeleteA special note for my daughter...